Friday, October 16, 2009
Hmmm.... (stroking my imaginary beard.....)
If the book The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure will "save your life" according to the founder/author and as repeatedly asserted in their infomercials, then why the hell would anyone shell out thousands of clams to actually go to their rehab (Passages Malibu)? A book has to be cheaper than a month-long stay at one of these palaces!!
Raindrops on roses, and processed fruit/nut spread on frozen bread.....
Is it wrong that I want to only eat PB&J Uncrustables and drink only Cherry Limeade? Gifts from heaven, those two. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I Scream You Scream and Squatting Murals
So.... lots goin' on over here, but a few things worth noting:
1) Yet again, a retail establishment has pissed me off due to closing early. I'm up here in San Rafael and I found a frickin' Coldstone, which I have frequented once a week for the past three weeks. I know they are open until 10, so I headed over tonight at around 8:30. There was a line of people and two girls working. Great. So then I stepped up and ordered my usual french vanilla with oreo and brownie, and she said "Oh, sorry, we can't do any mix-ins because we decided to close early so we have sanitizer on the slab." WTF? An HOUR and a HALF early? Isn't the entire premise/concept which renders Coldstone a successful restaurant the fact that you put mix-ins in their ice cream? WTF! They just kept saying "Sorry, but yeah, we wanted to close early." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm writing a strongly-worded complaint to them. Why does this shit always happen to me?!?!
2) On the building across the street from my office there is a huge advertisement painted on the side of the building which is an outline of the Statue of Liberty and the numbers "1969" written below it. It's been up for months. Many of us have questioned what it is and what it means. I assumed it was a GAP ad or something. To this day, I still have no idea. So I just googled it. And yeah, I still don't quite get it. Whatever. FAIL. http://news.prnewswire.com/ViewContent.aspx?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/01-20-2009/0004957571&EDATE=
And... I just realized that writing the word "statue" after years of repeatedly writing "statute" is very difficult. :-) Oh. South Park just came on. Later!
1) Yet again, a retail establishment has pissed me off due to closing early. I'm up here in San Rafael and I found a frickin' Coldstone, which I have frequented once a week for the past three weeks. I know they are open until 10, so I headed over tonight at around 8:30. There was a line of people and two girls working. Great. So then I stepped up and ordered my usual french vanilla with oreo and brownie, and she said "Oh, sorry, we can't do any mix-ins because we decided to close early so we have sanitizer on the slab." WTF? An HOUR and a HALF early? Isn't the entire premise/concept which renders Coldstone a successful restaurant the fact that you put mix-ins in their ice cream? WTF! They just kept saying "Sorry, but yeah, we wanted to close early." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm writing a strongly-worded complaint to them. Why does this shit always happen to me?!?!
2) On the building across the street from my office there is a huge advertisement painted on the side of the building which is an outline of the Statue of Liberty and the numbers "1969" written below it. It's been up for months. Many of us have questioned what it is and what it means. I assumed it was a GAP ad or something. To this day, I still have no idea. So I just googled it. And yeah, I still don't quite get it. Whatever. FAIL. http://news.prnewswire.com/ViewContent.aspx?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/01-20-2009/0004957571&EDATE=
And... I just realized that writing the word "statue" after years of repeatedly writing "statute" is very difficult. :-) Oh. South Park just came on. Later!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Now, if you know me, you know that I do not dig Mariah Carey. I think she's a diva, and not in the good way. I have also been alive and alert long enough to know that there's some baby mama drama shit goin' down between Mariah and Eminem in which he claims they had a relationship and she claims they did not. Their childish attacks (which could also just be brilliant PR, I suppose) are frequently featured in the news and in their songs.
So naturally, I was not surprised when I read an article/interview that she gave to Le 6-9 on Wednesday that went a little like this:
Le 6-9: So it’s not the question with Eminem?
Mariah: I don’t even know who that is. I wrote the song and I’m very happy with it. And I’m happy with my new album. So I don’t know if somebody wants to write their little songs. I haven’t heard them on the radio, I don’t know what’s going on with that. They don’t seem to play them here in America. I’m not sure so I don’t know.
Le 6-9: Eminem is a rapper if you don’t know him.
Mariah: Well, I have certain favorite rappers like Jay-Z, Kanye, I take it back
old school, we can go on for hours.
(http://www.youheardthatnew.com/?p=7295)
OK, so she's basically claiming that she doesn't know who Eminem ( "that" or "them") is and that she hasn't heard "them" on the radio and that they don't play "them" in America. Hmmm. Well either she's delusional or retarded. Probably both. She looks like an imbecile, since just seven years ago she was on Larry King talking about talking to him on the phone and hanging out with him. http://top40.about.com/od/mariahcare1/tp/mariahcareyeminem.htm (Oh, and p.s....sure Mariah. Jay-Z and Kanye are so totally "old school." DELUSIONAL! )
So yeah... how does that go again? Me thinks thou doth protest too much? Is that it? Because yeah, I mean, by making statements that she doesn't know who Eminem is shows she's an idiot and only seems to further the fued and the drama. Whatever. I can't wait until he releases the photos and audio and whatever else he has. He seems to be a ticking timb bomb in that respect and I'll just clap my hands and open my eyes wide and say "goody!!!" until then. She can have 100s of lawyers on standby waiting for this to happen, but it'll still leak, and Perez and PITNB and Dlisted and Gawker and Defamer will all have it for minutes before its taken down and little "obsessed" Eminem will be vindicated (provided, of course, it's all true... which it sure seems to be!)
Celebrities are such interesting creatures. :-)
So naturally, I was not surprised when I read an article/interview that she gave to Le 6-9 on Wednesday that went a little like this:
Le 6-9: So it’s not the question with Eminem?
Mariah: I don’t even know who that is. I wrote the song and I’m very happy with it. And I’m happy with my new album. So I don’t know if somebody wants to write their little songs. I haven’t heard them on the radio, I don’t know what’s going on with that. They don’t seem to play them here in America. I’m not sure so I don’t know.
Le 6-9: Eminem is a rapper if you don’t know him.
Mariah: Well, I have certain favorite rappers like Jay-Z, Kanye, I take it back
old school, we can go on for hours.
(http://www.youheardthatnew.com/?p=7295)
OK, so she's basically claiming that she doesn't know who Eminem ( "that" or "them") is and that she hasn't heard "them" on the radio and that they don't play "them" in America. Hmmm. Well either she's delusional or retarded. Probably both. She looks like an imbecile, since just seven years ago she was on Larry King talking about talking to him on the phone and hanging out with him. http://top40.about.com/od/mariahcare1/tp/mariahcareyeminem.htm (Oh, and p.s....sure Mariah. Jay-Z and Kanye are so totally "old school." DELUSIONAL! )
So yeah... how does that go again? Me thinks thou doth protest too much? Is that it? Because yeah, I mean, by making statements that she doesn't know who Eminem is shows she's an idiot and only seems to further the fued and the drama. Whatever. I can't wait until he releases the photos and audio and whatever else he has. He seems to be a ticking timb bomb in that respect and I'll just clap my hands and open my eyes wide and say "goody!!!" until then. She can have 100s of lawyers on standby waiting for this to happen, but it'll still leak, and Perez and PITNB and Dlisted and Gawker and Defamer will all have it for minutes before its taken down and little "obsessed" Eminem will be vindicated (provided, of course, it's all true... which it sure seems to be!)
Celebrities are such interesting creatures. :-)
Breakin' Free
After spending the past two days reviewing the various FAILs on failblog.org, I decided to pop on over to CNN.com to see what was going on in the news. It turns out that there's yet ANOTHER story of ANOTHER escaped inmate. Yeah. Seriously. Just in the past few days alone, we had:
1) Robert Maday- the Chicagoland career offender was being transported by police when he escaped, which led to a two-day manhunt (and lockdowns of area schools). He was fortunately apprehended later, but only after he hijacked some cars and robbed a bank! http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-escaped-prisoner-18-sep18,0,3482719.story
2) On Friday, in Washington, legally insane killer Phillip Paul was able to elude law enforcement when he escaped during -- get ready for this -- an outing to the county fair! YES! He's a convicted, legally insane murderer and was on a fun little trip to a fair!!!! I'm ashamed of one of my former home states. And guess what? He's still missing! http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/19/washington.escaped.killer/index.html?iref=newssearch
3) And then this morning we have the lovely and talented Joshua Barnes, age 21, who was serving a 35 year sentence for a hodge-podge of offenses, missing from a Texas jail after he broke through a wall and used bedsheets to propel down the side of a seven-story building. ?!? And no one saw or heard this? WTF?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/20/texas.prisoner.escape/
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm very supportive and appreciative of those who work in law enforcement, and generally have respect for what they do. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder how stuff like this happens. Clearly these people received training in how to transport prisoners. There have to be policies and procedures. So.... what happened? The only explanation is that someone didn't follow policies or procedures, or was lax in carrying out their duties such that a "mistake" happened. Now, I don't know what happened in these three situations, but it brings to mind a concern of mine, which is that a lot of people get too comfortable at their jobs which makes it easy to be lazy and/or disregard standard practices, which results in costly mistakes for the employer (and others, as well). Let me digress for a minute.
Our country is allegedly still in the throes of a nasty recession wherein jobs are being discarded left and right and good employees are finding themselves jobless and unable to replace their former jobs. There are people (like one of my sisters and friends, for example) who send out probably on average 50 resumes per week to all types of employers, and even look for jobs in other parts of the country. They're so eager to return to work and just be back in the game that they're lowering their standards and forgetting about advanced training and degrees and promising would-be-employers that no, they're not overqualified, and just give them a chance.
Compare this to those employees (not all, just some) who have become complacent in their duties to the point where laziness and lack of attention lead to mistakes. Look around your workplace. I'm sure you'll recognize these people. So I ask, why do employers keep these people on? Is it out of loyalty? Because it's easier to NOT fire someone? Because it's cheaper to NOT have to hire someone new and train them? In the end, aren't people who fail to comply with standard policies and practices the ones that cause the problems which bring about costly mistakes? So why not get them "off the bus" and bring aboard new talent, eager for the job, the paycheck, the return to normalcy.
I know, I got off topic a bit there, but after hanging out with various peeps over the past few weeks and hearing drama about all sorts of random things happening at various workplaces, I can't help but wonder about it. Then, reading these stories about the escapees kind of triggered those thoughts again. Who knows. I try to be a "rule follower" but we all slip from time to time. I guess I would just have thought that the transportation of highly dangerous criminal offenders would be something that involves standard protocol, tested over time to avoid careless errors like those that may have happened here. I guess we'll see. In the meantime, I'm thankful for our law enforcement for their efforts to locate and apprehend these criminals and to hep restore safety and security to those communities.
1) Robert Maday- the Chicagoland career offender was being transported by police when he escaped, which led to a two-day manhunt (and lockdowns of area schools). He was fortunately apprehended later, but only after he hijacked some cars and robbed a bank! http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-escaped-prisoner-18-sep18,0,3482719.story
2) On Friday, in Washington, legally insane killer Phillip Paul was able to elude law enforcement when he escaped during -- get ready for this -- an outing to the county fair! YES! He's a convicted, legally insane murderer and was on a fun little trip to a fair!!!! I'm ashamed of one of my former home states. And guess what? He's still missing! http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/19/washington.escaped.killer/index.html?iref=newssearch
3) And then this morning we have the lovely and talented Joshua Barnes, age 21, who was serving a 35 year sentence for a hodge-podge of offenses, missing from a Texas jail after he broke through a wall and used bedsheets to propel down the side of a seven-story building. ?!? And no one saw or heard this? WTF?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/20/texas.prisoner.escape/
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm very supportive and appreciative of those who work in law enforcement, and generally have respect for what they do. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder how stuff like this happens. Clearly these people received training in how to transport prisoners. There have to be policies and procedures. So.... what happened? The only explanation is that someone didn't follow policies or procedures, or was lax in carrying out their duties such that a "mistake" happened. Now, I don't know what happened in these three situations, but it brings to mind a concern of mine, which is that a lot of people get too comfortable at their jobs which makes it easy to be lazy and/or disregard standard practices, which results in costly mistakes for the employer (and others, as well). Let me digress for a minute.
Our country is allegedly still in the throes of a nasty recession wherein jobs are being discarded left and right and good employees are finding themselves jobless and unable to replace their former jobs. There are people (like one of my sisters and friends, for example) who send out probably on average 50 resumes per week to all types of employers, and even look for jobs in other parts of the country. They're so eager to return to work and just be back in the game that they're lowering their standards and forgetting about advanced training and degrees and promising would-be-employers that no, they're not overqualified, and just give them a chance.
Compare this to those employees (not all, just some) who have become complacent in their duties to the point where laziness and lack of attention lead to mistakes. Look around your workplace. I'm sure you'll recognize these people. So I ask, why do employers keep these people on? Is it out of loyalty? Because it's easier to NOT fire someone? Because it's cheaper to NOT have to hire someone new and train them? In the end, aren't people who fail to comply with standard policies and practices the ones that cause the problems which bring about costly mistakes? So why not get them "off the bus" and bring aboard new talent, eager for the job, the paycheck, the return to normalcy.
I know, I got off topic a bit there, but after hanging out with various peeps over the past few weeks and hearing drama about all sorts of random things happening at various workplaces, I can't help but wonder about it. Then, reading these stories about the escapees kind of triggered those thoughts again. Who knows. I try to be a "rule follower" but we all slip from time to time. I guess I would just have thought that the transportation of highly dangerous criminal offenders would be something that involves standard protocol, tested over time to avoid careless errors like those that may have happened here. I guess we'll see. In the meantime, I'm thankful for our law enforcement for their efforts to locate and apprehend these criminals and to hep restore safety and security to those communities.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Toodles, NIN; Hello, PJs!
So the week of NIN has ended :-( Every night was more amazing than the one before, with 3 hour + long sets. I only ended up in the "pit" one night, and that was fine by me. Hey, I'm an old lady, what can I say? Mel and I cried a bit at the end. It was hard not to. Frankly, I started crying when Trent played The Frail. It always gets me. I'm sure the copious quantities of beer didn't help with the emotional rollercoaster, but...? We met some fun people at the venues and are bummed that this good thing has come to an end. Can't wait to see what Trent, Robin, Ilan, and Justin have for us in the future - whether collectively or individually. (P.S. LOVE the video making the rounds which shows Justin reaching out and gently touching Robin's chin! So endearing!)
I'm still sick, unfortunately, but thankfully was able to stay at home and do a whole lot of nothing today. I haven't even changed out of my pajamas! Glorious. I watched the remaining episodes of Season One of Hung, followed by Little Children (holy JESUS Patrick Wilson is hot!!!), and then watched some Hoarders, which has become my new guilty pleasure. I did feel quite vomitous at times, but I'm still going to watch. It kind of makes me feel better about my sad little life ;-)
I also watched the first episode of Vampire Diaries. Not sure what to think just yet. It's pretty good, but unfortunately, has a lot of similarities to the Twilight franchise which makes me wonder "Do I need to follow two separate but similar vampire stories?" The lead girl "Elena" looks like Posh, Alyssa Milano, and Tracey Ullman had a baby together, and the vampire (Stephan) looks a lot like Mark Paul Gosselar to me. I guess we'll have to see. I'm willing to give it a shot. Also looking forward to Community with Joel McHale!
I'm currently wondering why someone is drilling in a nearby apartment, and this is not the first night I've heard these sounds. I hope no one's being dismembered. Hey, I live in a grotty apartment in the middle of Hollywood with the most bizarre group of fellow tenants imagineable. Anything's possible.
I'm still sick, unfortunately, but thankfully was able to stay at home and do a whole lot of nothing today. I haven't even changed out of my pajamas! Glorious. I watched the remaining episodes of Season One of Hung, followed by Little Children (holy JESUS Patrick Wilson is hot!!!), and then watched some Hoarders, which has become my new guilty pleasure. I did feel quite vomitous at times, but I'm still going to watch. It kind of makes me feel better about my sad little life ;-)
I also watched the first episode of Vampire Diaries. Not sure what to think just yet. It's pretty good, but unfortunately, has a lot of similarities to the Twilight franchise which makes me wonder "Do I need to follow two separate but similar vampire stories?" The lead girl "Elena" looks like Posh, Alyssa Milano, and Tracey Ullman had a baby together, and the vampire (Stephan) looks a lot like Mark Paul Gosselar to me. I guess we'll have to see. I'm willing to give it a shot. Also looking forward to Community with Joel McHale!
I'm currently wondering why someone is drilling in a nearby apartment, and this is not the first night I've heard these sounds. I hope no one's being dismembered. Hey, I live in a grotty apartment in the middle of Hollywood with the most bizarre group of fellow tenants imagineable. Anything's possible.
Monday, September 7, 2009
I'm constantly thinking "Gosh, I need to blog more" because I really love to write. The problem is, I always figure I don't have anything funny enough to write about so I just don't write. I've decided to put an end to that, however. I've stumbled across many a blog which consist solely of the author's musings about daily life, and that's enough for me to do it, too. Because hey, at the end of the day, it's not like I have 100s of followers or anything, so I'm really just writing for me. So here goes!
This week has been super fun. It started with the end of my busiest month of the year so far, which was not so fun, but then I had my birthday and NIN shows to look forward to. Melissa flew over from Vegas for night one of the NIN festivities, and we headed to the Palladium to see a totally rad show. We screamed our lungs out (off?) and think it may have been the best NIN show we've ever been to. Trent was clearly sick and you could hear it, but that didn't make it any less enjoyable to us (probably less enjoyable for him, as his throat probably shredded to pieces with every note). I tried to tweet the setlist but I'm an idiot and never know the true and correct names for the instrumental tunes. Rumor has it Jared Leto, Adrienne Curry, Katy Perry, and Steve Perry were all there. They were on the special balcony across from us. We were in the poor people balcony, but I'm not complaining . We were ten feet from a minimally-frequented bar with super nice bartenders and also had our own cocktail waitress. Sweet. :-) No encore though. Bummer. We were wasted and had some BK and then assed out for a few hours.
Next on the agenda was my birthday, which was spent entirely in Court for a Mandatory Settlement Conference / Final Status Conference and ex parte hearing. What a frickin' day. Thankfully, a resolution favorable to all was reached around the 3 o'clock hour, which meant we had time for a quick drink to celebrate. By the time I got home, though, I was frickin' beat! I had to put the kibosh on any birthday plans because I just needed to sleep and hydrate and rally for the next NIN show.
And rally I did.... I chilled out for a few days, got my car fixed (thank you, nice AAA man!), watched "He's Just Not That Into You" and fell in love with Bradley Cooper, and then headed over to the Echoplex for NIN last night. Frickin' amazing! I can never decide which show is the best. They're truly all great. The whole place is a pit, and apparently fits about 700 people. I, at the ripe ol' age of not-21 was not really happy about having to touch other sweaty people for three hours. Thankfully, however, ALL of the peeps who were around me were super respectful and I had nothing to worry about. No B.O., no bad breath, no unnecessary touching (though Carrie has a different opinion about that, particularly after that guy tried to pick her up and then, after she looked at him like, "Um, what the hell are you doing?" he said "Oh, I thought you were my girlfriend." which was quite funny because the dude was standing next to us all frickin' night and there was no girlfriend to speak of nearby. So yeah.) I was literally jumping up and down in my steel-toed boots and was DRENCHED by the end of the night. I did not go to the gym yesterday, but am confident I worked off a few hundred calories in screaming, head bobbing, fist punching, and jumping.
We did get to see Robin for a minute when we entered the venue, and I was starstruck and couldn't think of anything clever to say, even though Melissa and I have thought about what we'd say to TR if we had two seconds and have even rehearsed it so that we won't sound like idiots, but for whatever reason, I drew a complete blank last night and couldn't think of anything to say.
We also saw two other dudes wearing our "Eraser" shirt and neither of us have ever seen anyone else with the shirts. We're so proud of them. They're the first shirt we ever got at our first NIN concert at Shoreline Amphitheater.
I slept for a glorious twelve hours and awoke to a message on Twitter that more NIN tix went on sale. I didn't have tix for the Henry Fonda show, and whaddayaknow? I do now! Can't wait. So we have NIN tomorrow night, and the last show ever on Thursday night. I'm afraid I'm going to cry. I almost did last night during "Hurt." You could hear a pin drop. Not a frickin' sound. Everyone was really into it. Awesome.
Anywho, that's enough for now. I'm hungry and need to get back to Fast Times at Ridgemont High and reading Kevin Smith's tweetfest :-) Toodles!
This week has been super fun. It started with the end of my busiest month of the year so far, which was not so fun, but then I had my birthday and NIN shows to look forward to. Melissa flew over from Vegas for night one of the NIN festivities, and we headed to the Palladium to see a totally rad show. We screamed our lungs out (off?) and think it may have been the best NIN show we've ever been to. Trent was clearly sick and you could hear it, but that didn't make it any less enjoyable to us (probably less enjoyable for him, as his throat probably shredded to pieces with every note). I tried to tweet the setlist but I'm an idiot and never know the true and correct names for the instrumental tunes. Rumor has it Jared Leto, Adrienne Curry, Katy Perry, and Steve Perry were all there. They were on the special balcony across from us. We were in the poor people balcony, but I'm not complaining . We were ten feet from a minimally-frequented bar with super nice bartenders and also had our own cocktail waitress. Sweet. :-) No encore though. Bummer. We were wasted and had some BK and then assed out for a few hours.
Next on the agenda was my birthday, which was spent entirely in Court for a Mandatory Settlement Conference / Final Status Conference and ex parte hearing. What a frickin' day. Thankfully, a resolution favorable to all was reached around the 3 o'clock hour, which meant we had time for a quick drink to celebrate. By the time I got home, though, I was frickin' beat! I had to put the kibosh on any birthday plans because I just needed to sleep and hydrate and rally for the next NIN show.
And rally I did.... I chilled out for a few days, got my car fixed (thank you, nice AAA man!), watched "He's Just Not That Into You" and fell in love with Bradley Cooper, and then headed over to the Echoplex for NIN last night. Frickin' amazing! I can never decide which show is the best. They're truly all great. The whole place is a pit, and apparently fits about 700 people. I, at the ripe ol' age of not-21 was not really happy about having to touch other sweaty people for three hours. Thankfully, however, ALL of the peeps who were around me were super respectful and I had nothing to worry about. No B.O., no bad breath, no unnecessary touching (though Carrie has a different opinion about that, particularly after that guy tried to pick her up and then, after she looked at him like, "Um, what the hell are you doing?" he said "Oh, I thought you were my girlfriend." which was quite funny because the dude was standing next to us all frickin' night and there was no girlfriend to speak of nearby. So yeah.) I was literally jumping up and down in my steel-toed boots and was DRENCHED by the end of the night. I did not go to the gym yesterday, but am confident I worked off a few hundred calories in screaming, head bobbing, fist punching, and jumping.
We did get to see Robin for a minute when we entered the venue, and I was starstruck and couldn't think of anything clever to say, even though Melissa and I have thought about what we'd say to TR if we had two seconds and have even rehearsed it so that we won't sound like idiots, but for whatever reason, I drew a complete blank last night and couldn't think of anything to say.
We also saw two other dudes wearing our "Eraser" shirt and neither of us have ever seen anyone else with the shirts. We're so proud of them. They're the first shirt we ever got at our first NIN concert at Shoreline Amphitheater.
I slept for a glorious twelve hours and awoke to a message on Twitter that more NIN tix went on sale. I didn't have tix for the Henry Fonda show, and whaddayaknow? I do now! Can't wait. So we have NIN tomorrow night, and the last show ever on Thursday night. I'm afraid I'm going to cry. I almost did last night during "Hurt." You could hear a pin drop. Not a frickin' sound. Everyone was really into it. Awesome.
Anywho, that's enough for now. I'm hungry and need to get back to Fast Times at Ridgemont High and reading Kevin Smith's tweetfest :-) Toodles!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Nine Means Nine!
OK, I started writing a blog about this subject and before I knew it, it was about 10 pages long. I had to step away from the computer, take a deep breath, count to ten, and regroup. I think I'm clear-headed enough to now be more concise, so here goes.
Listen, shopkeepers of the world. If your sign says you're open 'til 9, stay the eff open until 9. Do not turn me away at 8:50 p.m. I need mascara/ice cream/a buttery salty pretzel. I have money to spend. (I'm talking to you, Sephora, Baskin Robbins, and Auntie Annie's.) We're in a recession and I'm willing to pay full price for your products, which is why I came to you in the first place. Eff you for turning me away. I used to work retail, too. I know that you can shave off that last hour of your shift by doing all of your closing tasks during the last hour of work so when the clock strikes 9 you can lock the door, count the drawer, and be on your merry way. But that doesn't mean it's acceptable! ARGH!
In MY DAY (that's right. I said it.) Tom the manager of the Tacoma Applebee's used to make me take the table of 20 gypsies who came in ten minutes before closing, and he KNEW they would all order well-done burgers, well-done wings, and about 100 orders of fries. I grumbled a thing or two about the gypsies and Tom under my breath, but at the end of the day, and ten years later, I have to admit that he was right for making me take the table. Because we were OPEN!
I wish I could say I would never go to these places again, but they're convenient and I know I'll return. It doesn't mean I'll be happy about it, but beware, because I may not be so nice next time and just walk away. Oh no. And trust me. You don't want come between me and buttery, doughy, salty, deliciousness!
(And don't let that little halo perched delicately above the Auntie Annie's logo fool you. That evil bitch wouldn't give me butter or salt for my pretzel at 7:38 p.m. (closing time - 8), and when I complained about it through their website (oh yes, I did go there), they IGNORED me! The nerve! )
Oh, and don't even get me started about the plethora of misspellings and totally incorrect use of punctuation in your signage..... That's a whole different Oprah, my friends.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I've Got 12 Ounces for Ya...
I have a slight bone to pick with the good folks over at Sunkist. See, they have this new slogan that screams from their billboards "12 ounces of awesome*. " My problem is with the little asterisk, because when you look below, there's a footnote warning "actual ounces may vary."
Now, I don't know why this upsets me so, but it does! You can't make the "12 ounces" the focal point of your advertisement, and then say "Oh, but it's not really 12 oz." It's kind of like that huge ad on the Coco's window at Eastern and the 215 in Vegas which has an entire window covered with a picture of a burger announcing "Actual Size*." Naturally, a review of the asterisk down below reveals that it is not, of course, actual size. Or like the mascara advertisements in which the models are clearly wearing fake eyelashes.
This is false advertising, people, and I won't have it! Down with trickery! Amy shan't be partaking in any orange Sunkist soda, nor will there be any tasty Coco's burgers in my future. No sir-ee. (Mascara, well, that's a whole different story......)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Pure as the Driven Snow (or, Hurray! I'm Not Toxic!)
So there I was, shopping at the local Rite Aid when I stumbled upon my favorite end-cap. You know the one. It has all of the "As Seen On TV" gadgets on it. Whether it's the Pedi-Egg, the Strapperfect Bra Strap Holder, Miracle Putty, or EZ Combs, it can be found on this very shelf (and I WANT IT ALL!!!!)
On this very shelf also happened to be a box of the Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads. Sure, I had seen them before and never thought twice about them, but upon reflection, I realized that I must be full of toxins, what with the things I've been putting in my body lately (hey now, dirty birds, I'm talking about unhealthy food here. Sheesh!) That, coupled with the fact that I live in L.A. and thus will buy anything that claims to make me healthier, prettier, younger, and skinnier, and you have a pajama-clad Amy K. sitting on the edge of the bed attempting to apply detox foot pads to her freshly washed feet.
Prior to applying the pads, however, I was careful to read the outside of the box and directions for any helpful pointers. I first noticed the box marked "WARNINGS." In it, the good peeps at Idea Village, makers of the Kinoki, warned me that the pads were, among other things, not to be applied directly on the eyes. Yes, you read that right. Now, as a lawyer, I get that from time to time manufacturers of products have to place asinine warnings on their products (e.g., "This product may contain nuts" on the outside of the package of peanuts given to me on a Southwest Airlines flight), but these are foot pads, right? Foot pads. For the feet. Do we need to tell people to not apply directly to the eyes? (as opposed to indirectly, of course). Yeah.
But I digress, because after carefully following the directions and sleeping with sticky sachet thingies containing "foot paste" I awoke to find stark white foot pads affixed to my feet. Needless to say this was highly disappointing since the package boasts that they "absorb impurities" and "work while you sleep", and even shows the "after" shot of a dirty sticky sachet thingie on a lady's foot! I wanted to wake to dirty feet!
I was very upset and figured the product was a scam, until I realized... WAIT A TIC! Clearly I have no impurities and that's why the sticky sachet thingies were unable to absorb them! I'm pure! (Shut up. Kinoki wouldn't lie!) Since they're clearly no use to me, I'm going to start experimenting with the remainder of the two-week supply of foot pads and see whether I can draw impurities out of ordinary household objects and maybe even my sister. I can't let all of the high quality ingredients (aka "bamboo vinegar" and "detox herbs", formulated in Japan) go to waste! Any suggestions? :-)
On this very shelf also happened to be a box of the Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads. Sure, I had seen them before and never thought twice about them, but upon reflection, I realized that I must be full of toxins, what with the things I've been putting in my body lately (hey now, dirty birds, I'm talking about unhealthy food here. Sheesh!) That, coupled with the fact that I live in L.A. and thus will buy anything that claims to make me healthier, prettier, younger, and skinnier, and you have a pajama-clad Amy K. sitting on the edge of the bed attempting to apply detox foot pads to her freshly washed feet.
Prior to applying the pads, however, I was careful to read the outside of the box and directions for any helpful pointers. I first noticed the box marked "WARNINGS." In it, the good peeps at Idea Village, makers of the Kinoki, warned me that the pads were, among other things, not to be applied directly on the eyes. Yes, you read that right. Now, as a lawyer, I get that from time to time manufacturers of products have to place asinine warnings on their products (e.g., "This product may contain nuts" on the outside of the package of peanuts given to me on a Southwest Airlines flight), but these are foot pads, right? Foot pads. For the feet. Do we need to tell people to not apply directly to the eyes? (as opposed to indirectly, of course). Yeah.
But I digress, because after carefully following the directions and sleeping with sticky sachet thingies containing "foot paste" I awoke to find stark white foot pads affixed to my feet. Needless to say this was highly disappointing since the package boasts that they "absorb impurities" and "work while you sleep", and even shows the "after" shot of a dirty sticky sachet thingie on a lady's foot! I wanted to wake to dirty feet!
I was very upset and figured the product was a scam, until I realized... WAIT A TIC! Clearly I have no impurities and that's why the sticky sachet thingies were unable to absorb them! I'm pure! (Shut up. Kinoki wouldn't lie!) Since they're clearly no use to me, I'm going to start experimenting with the remainder of the two-week supply of foot pads and see whether I can draw impurities out of ordinary household objects and maybe even my sister. I can't let all of the high quality ingredients (aka "bamboo vinegar" and "detox herbs", formulated in Japan) go to waste! Any suggestions? :-)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Open Letter to the Manager of the Fast Food Restaurant with Icky Bathrooms
Dear Fast Food Restaurant Manager,
Thanks, I guess, for letting me use your bathroom?
I was hopeful that I would find a relatively clean washroom with sufficient paper, handsoap and hand towels, and thus chose your place of business in lieu of the gas station across the street.
I guess I was wrong.
You see, after doing the pee-pee dance and racing to the nearest stall, placing the ass gasket on the seat, and settling in, I let forth a sigh of relief which abruptly morphed into a horrific gasp! WHAT in THE hell is THAT on the wall?
In the interests of sensitivity and humanity, I shall refrain from describing in detail what was splattered and/or smeared on the stall wall and door, however, use your imagination and I'm sure you will reach the right conclusion.
So, dear Mr. or Ms. Manager, I must ask: Do you not use the potty? How could you not notice that atrocity? And I saw your daily sales chit sitting out on the counter and noticed that from 2-3 p.m. and again from 8-9 p.m. you were considerably slow and, quite frankly, there was ample opportunity for you and/or one of your peeps to make a cursory review of the cleanliness of the bathrooms. Why did you forego this simple task? Was it because you couldn't fathom having to clean THAT up off of the wall? Well, too bad! It's your potty!
So don some rubber gloves and a gas mask, grab the 409 and an SOS pad, and get your ass in there! I deserve a clean, bodily-fluid/substance-free potty experience with my value meal!
Thanks, I guess, for letting me use your bathroom?
I was hopeful that I would find a relatively clean washroom with sufficient paper, handsoap and hand towels, and thus chose your place of business in lieu of the gas station across the street.
I guess I was wrong.
You see, after doing the pee-pee dance and racing to the nearest stall, placing the ass gasket on the seat, and settling in, I let forth a sigh of relief which abruptly morphed into a horrific gasp! WHAT in THE hell is THAT on the wall?
In the interests of sensitivity and humanity, I shall refrain from describing in detail what was splattered and/or smeared on the stall wall and door, however, use your imagination and I'm sure you will reach the right conclusion.
So, dear Mr. or Ms. Manager, I must ask: Do you not use the potty? How could you not notice that atrocity? And I saw your daily sales chit sitting out on the counter and noticed that from 2-3 p.m. and again from 8-9 p.m. you were considerably slow and, quite frankly, there was ample opportunity for you and/or one of your peeps to make a cursory review of the cleanliness of the bathrooms. Why did you forego this simple task? Was it because you couldn't fathom having to clean THAT up off of the wall? Well, too bad! It's your potty!
So don some rubber gloves and a gas mask, grab the 409 and an SOS pad, and get your ass in there! I deserve a clean, bodily-fluid/substance-free potty experience with my value meal!
"How To" #1 - Using the Bathroom
I didn't think this was necessary, but apparently there are ladies out there who clearly require instructions as to how to use a public washroom, so here goes.
1) Enter stall. Use one that's open, and try to refrain from opening closed doors. Nine times out of ten, I'm precariously squatting above the ol' pot and it's not - I repeat - NOT a a pretty sight, so it's best if you just don't try to push open a closed door. Doing a courtesy "check-under-the-door-for-shoes" method works best.
2) Securely fasten the door behind you upon entering . Again, nothing is more mortifying--for either the intruder or the peer--than a stranger busting in on you when your lady bits are out in the open and you're about to squat or sit.
3) Place a largely useless but nevertheless somewhat comforting ass gasket on the toilet seat. While it's highly unlikely that the porous air-thin paper will prevent any creepy crawlies from invading your flesh, it's a relatively nice gesture. Also, for reasons to be set forth below, even if you're a squatter, go ahead and pull one of those protectors out and toss it on the seat.
4) Do your bidness. ('Nuff said.)
5) Upon completion of the wiping process and the commencement of the flushing process, do the world a favor and make a half-turn, divert your eyes downward, and see whether you left any presents behind on the seat. (And p.s, this step is required even where auto-flush toilets are utilized. ) If you did happen to leave anything behind on the seat, do your lady-duty and wipe that shit up! It's YOURS, not mine, and shall not be left behind for me to clean. I don't carry Lysol with me! Your failure to clean up after your dirty ass means that I have to use yards of toilet paper and/or multiple ass gaskets to protect my hands and clean that up, and then requires an extra flush because hello, I'm not going on your dirtiness! Ergo, because you're a discourteous lady toilet user, the world's tree and water supply is being depleted faster than required!
And on that note, would you kindly make sure that your business has gone down into the nether regions of the plumbing system before stepping out of your stall? Because trust me, if I walk in there and see your leftovers, I will gag, look disdainfully your way, yell "ew!" (or, "Guess you're not pregnant!"), and will remember you and will point you out to all of my friends at whatever restaurant/theater/event we are at and you henceforth shall be known as "dirty lady who lacks common courtesy and/or social skills and thus should not be permitted outside the confines of her own home."
So please, for the love of God and ladies everywhere, do us all a favor and don't be that girl!
1) Enter stall. Use one that's open, and try to refrain from opening closed doors. Nine times out of ten, I'm precariously squatting above the ol' pot and it's not - I repeat - NOT a a pretty sight, so it's best if you just don't try to push open a closed door. Doing a courtesy "check-under-the-door-for-shoes" method works best.
2) Securely fasten the door behind you upon entering . Again, nothing is more mortifying--for either the intruder or the peer--than a stranger busting in on you when your lady bits are out in the open and you're about to squat or sit.
3) Place a largely useless but nevertheless somewhat comforting ass gasket on the toilet seat. While it's highly unlikely that the porous air-thin paper will prevent any creepy crawlies from invading your flesh, it's a relatively nice gesture. Also, for reasons to be set forth below, even if you're a squatter, go ahead and pull one of those protectors out and toss it on the seat.
4) Do your bidness. ('Nuff said.)
5) Upon completion of the wiping process and the commencement of the flushing process, do the world a favor and make a half-turn, divert your eyes downward, and see whether you left any presents behind on the seat. (And p.s, this step is required even where auto-flush toilets are utilized. ) If you did happen to leave anything behind on the seat, do your lady-duty and wipe that shit up! It's YOURS, not mine, and shall not be left behind for me to clean. I don't carry Lysol with me! Your failure to clean up after your dirty ass means that I have to use yards of toilet paper and/or multiple ass gaskets to protect my hands and clean that up, and then requires an extra flush because hello, I'm not going on your dirtiness! Ergo, because you're a discourteous lady toilet user, the world's tree and water supply is being depleted faster than required!
And on that note, would you kindly make sure that your business has gone down into the nether regions of the plumbing system before stepping out of your stall? Because trust me, if I walk in there and see your leftovers, I will gag, look disdainfully your way, yell "ew!" (or, "Guess you're not pregnant!"), and will remember you and will point you out to all of my friends at whatever restaurant/theater/event we are at and you henceforth shall be known as "dirty lady who lacks common courtesy and/or social skills and thus should not be permitted outside the confines of her own home."
So please, for the love of God and ladies everywhere, do us all a favor and don't be that girl!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
It's A Racket!
I'm not normally a conspiracy theorist but lately, I've felt like a distrustful, crotchety old lady because I'm just not buyin' it. You may be asking, "What's crawled up Amy's ass THIS time?" Well, let me tell you (as if you could stop me). I'm starting to feel taken advantage of by the makers of random goods. For example:
1) Pain Relievers - So you've got your Advil and your Tylenol, right? But why are there seventy variations of the painkillers on the shelves? At the end of the day, 99% of the products are comprised solely of either 500mg of Acetominaphen, or 200 mg of ibuprofen, so even though they're all virtually identical, they package them as different products. Sure, Tylenol PM or Advil Cold and Sinus are different, but I'm talking about plain ol' pain reliever. I hate them, because they make me feel that I need one bottle of Advil for whatever, one for headaches, one for lady business, etc etc etc. Evil!
2) Crystal Light On the Go drink mixes - TOTAL racket. The package boasts repeatedly that it's "Only 5 calories!" If you look carefully however, you will see that the good ol' peeps at Crystal Light are tricksters! They proclaim the beverage is only 5 calories, however, when you make it as directed, it is actually a 10 calorie beverage! For it to be 5 calories, you would have to slice the packet in half, and find an 8 oz bottle of water to use instead of the 16 oz bottle and full packet listed in the instructions. Now you may be saying "So what? It's five measly calories!" but some of us are obsessive about crap like this and I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO!
3) Age-defying face products - I'm done. I quit. I'm getting the damn needle in the forehead because I give up! I've bought EVERY stinkin' product out there that purports to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and to give better skin tone, and to reduce the size of pores, etc. and regardless of whether the product was $5 or $105, MY SKIN ALWAYS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME! It's a racket, I tell you. A RACKET!
4) Value meals - It's impossible to be budget-conscious and health-conscious when eating at fast food restaurants. It costs more to order a sandwich and bottle of water than it does to buy a value meal which includes fries/hash browns and soda. So, at the end of the day, you can be rich and fat or poor and skinny. This shouldn't require that level of decisionmaking, for God's sake!
And yes, I like lists. So sue me. It's the best way I can organize my thoughts when I'm feeling cantankerous.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Overheard....
Whilst traipsing about the Las Vegas airport yesterday and today, I happened upon some conversational gems, courtesy of my fellow mid-week travelers. Take a listen:
Scenario #1 - So there I was..... heading toward baggage claim when I heard two women gabbing behind me as follows:
First Lady: We should call Dorothy and tell her that we're here. I wonder where they are?
Second Lady: Well, I brought my cell phone, but I don't think it works in Vegas.
First Lady: Why wouldn't it?
Second Lady: I don't know. I just didn't know if it would work away from home.
!!!! God bless Second Lady! She doesn't think her cell phone works outside of Middletown, U.S.A.! That reminds me of a certain someone I know who used to turn off her cell phone because she thought that every minute it was powered "on" was counting against the total number of minutes on the service plan. Ok, it was me. But in all fairness, it was in 1997, so.... Yeah.
Scenario #2 - Sitting at gate, waiting for plane to Oakland. The boarding area is shared with a flight that's bound for somewhere in the South, and all of the passengers nearby have heavy Southern accents.
Seated Lady: (to just-arrived standing lady) Oooh! What'd you get? (gesturing to cup in standing lady's hand)
Standing Lady: It's pomegranate blueberry (something drink). I don't really know what it is, but Oprah says it's real good for you.
Oprah? Seriously? Ugh. 'Nuff said.
Scenario #3 - And last, but not least, this nugget came from a fellow Southern passenger whose husband was taking his daughter (who was doing the pee-pee dance) to the bathroom.
Husband: (yelling back at wife, while trying to quickly move with daughter toward bathroom) Honey, do you want me to get you a Diet Coke?
Wife: (clearly oblivious to the fact that daughter is dragging father into bathroom and there's no time for debate) Maybe.
Maybe?! Maybe?! What kind of effing response is that? I dunno. It just really annoyed me. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep .... or maybe it's because she is just dumb!
So, in sum, I'm a judgmental eavesdropper. :-) Good night!
Scenario #1 - So there I was..... heading toward baggage claim when I heard two women gabbing behind me as follows:
First Lady: We should call Dorothy and tell her that we're here. I wonder where they are?
Second Lady: Well, I brought my cell phone, but I don't think it works in Vegas.
First Lady: Why wouldn't it?
Second Lady: I don't know. I just didn't know if it would work away from home.
!!!! God bless Second Lady! She doesn't think her cell phone works outside of Middletown, U.S.A.! That reminds me of a certain someone I know who used to turn off her cell phone because she thought that every minute it was powered "on" was counting against the total number of minutes on the service plan. Ok, it was me. But in all fairness, it was in 1997, so.... Yeah.
Scenario #2 - Sitting at gate, waiting for plane to Oakland. The boarding area is shared with a flight that's bound for somewhere in the South, and all of the passengers nearby have heavy Southern accents.
Seated Lady: (to just-arrived standing lady) Oooh! What'd you get? (gesturing to cup in standing lady's hand)
Standing Lady: It's pomegranate blueberry (something drink). I don't really know what it is, but Oprah says it's real good for you.
Oprah? Seriously? Ugh. 'Nuff said.
Scenario #3 - And last, but not least, this nugget came from a fellow Southern passenger whose husband was taking his daughter (who was doing the pee-pee dance) to the bathroom.
Husband: (yelling back at wife, while trying to quickly move with daughter toward bathroom) Honey, do you want me to get you a Diet Coke?
Wife: (clearly oblivious to the fact that daughter is dragging father into bathroom and there's no time for debate) Maybe.
Maybe?! Maybe?! What kind of effing response is that? I dunno. It just really annoyed me. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep .... or maybe it's because she is just dumb!
So, in sum, I'm a judgmental eavesdropper. :-) Good night!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Apostrophe Abuse!
Now, I'm not perfect, (I know, I know...hard to believe) but here's the thing.
Somewhere along the way I had some good edu-ma-cation which has turned me into somewhat of a grammar snob. This means that I'm constantly scrutinizing and scoffing at any misspelled, mis-punctuated, or misused words that I see in advertisements, billboards, articles, tattoos (oh just wait...)
May I share? OK, here goes.
Violators of the apostrophe continue to run amuck, and I just don't get it. I have 1,000 things I could say, but I'm going to limit it to one little thing right now. So here's (or here are?) my two cents (you're welcome) on the whole " 's " issue:
Use an apostrophe "s" ONLY when:
1) You're trying to show ownership
Amy's bag of Honey BBQ Flavor Twist Fritos is almost gone.
Amy's work is not getting done because she's addicted to Facebook/Twitter/Shelfari, etc.
2) You're trying to shorten something to exclude the words "is" or "has" or "was":
Amy's a frickin' dork for thinking any of us care about stupid apostrophes.
Amy's got tickets to four Nine Inch Nails shows in one week!
As you may have noticed, you do NOT need an apostrophe when you're just using a good ol' plural word. So it would be appropriate to say "Apostrophes are actually kind of neat-o!" and not appropriate to say "Apostrophe's are retarded." (I'm most annoyed when people send Christmas cards and sign them "The Smith's" or "The Johnson's," which brings about a fit of angry jazz hands (thank you, Laurie Notaro) or angry fists (thank you, Jennifer Eolin)!
The Lesson: Hey, we all make mistakes, but none more than the dude sitting in front of Melissa in Milwaukee (or, as we prefer, "Mili-wa-kay") who had a tattoo on his arm that says "Harley's Rule." Oh yes. Do you love it, or do you LOVE it?!?!
P.S. Did you know Demi Moore's real name is Demetria Guynes?!?! WTF? Check out Celebrity Real Names on Moviefone.com.
Somewhere along the way I had some good edu-ma-cation which has turned me into somewhat of a grammar snob. This means that I'm constantly scrutinizing and scoffing at any misspelled, mis-punctuated, or misused words that I see in advertisements, billboards, articles, tattoos (oh just wait...)
May I share? OK, here goes.
Violators of the apostrophe continue to run amuck, and I just don't get it. I have 1,000 things I could say, but I'm going to limit it to one little thing right now. So here's (or here are?) my two cents (you're welcome) on the whole " 's " issue:
Use an apostrophe "s" ONLY when:
1) You're trying to show ownership
Amy's bag of Honey BBQ Flavor Twist Fritos is almost gone.
Amy's work is not getting done because she's addicted to Facebook/Twitter/Shelfari, etc.
2) You're trying to shorten something to exclude the words "is" or "has" or "was":
Amy's a frickin' dork for thinking any of us care about stupid apostrophes.
Amy's got tickets to four Nine Inch Nails shows in one week!
As you may have noticed, you do NOT need an apostrophe when you're just using a good ol' plural word. So it would be appropriate to say "Apostrophes are actually kind of neat-o!" and not appropriate to say "Apostrophe's are retarded." (I'm most annoyed when people send Christmas cards and sign them "The Smith's" or "The Johnson's," which brings about a fit of angry jazz hands (thank you, Laurie Notaro) or angry fists (thank you, Jennifer Eolin)!
The Lesson: Hey, we all make mistakes, but none more than the dude sitting in front of Melissa in Milwaukee (or, as we prefer, "Mili-wa-kay") who had a tattoo on his arm that says "Harley's Rule." Oh yes. Do you love it, or do you LOVE it?!?!
P.S. Did you know Demi Moore's real name is Demetria Guynes?!?! WTF? Check out Celebrity Real Names on Moviefone.com.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Welcome to my new blog!
Though I have never been an *official* blogger, I may have jotted down a thought or two over on MySpace from time to time. Thus, to get this blog off the ground and running, I am going to try to bring some of those precious thoughts over here. Stand by.... and thanks for reading!
Though I have never been an *official* blogger, I may have jotted down a thought or two over on MySpace from time to time. Thus, to get this blog off the ground and running, I am going to try to bring some of those precious thoughts over here. Stand by.... and thanks for reading!
There's No Place Like Home....
When I was pulling out of my garage this morning there was a guy on the sidewalk in front of my apartment, shirtless, on a unicycle, juggling fluorescent pins. That's right. At 9:00 a.m. on a Tuesday, that's what I saw in front of my home. Now granted, normally I see any number of random "characters" getting into their Elmo/SpongeBob/Storm Trooper/Oompa Loompa costumes before they go up to the Blvd. and take pics with tourists for $$$$, but this was way better.
Hollywood, sweet Hollywood.
Hollywood, sweet Hollywood.
Uh-oh.
I've been pondering this for some time.....
Am I going to hell?
I mean, I know I'm totally nice to animals, old people, and children (well, sometimes, at least), and I try to be a *good* person overall, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be doomed to eternal damnation.
You see, I am the quite frequent recipient of mail from charities of various sorts. (I must have donated a dollar to someone sometime, because now they're all after my money!) It seems like every other day I'm getting something from some children's/cancer/AIDS/homeless organization asking me to donate money. And I get it. It's how they do their thing. BUT.....that's not all. Nope. Tucked happily inside those little envelopes is a PRESENT! That's right, a nice set of PERSONALIZED ADDRESS LABELS.... just for me! WOOHOO! Some have a handful of little labels; others have about 100! It's like Christmas!
Of course, the idea behind the "free" labels is that I'll get the labels, be happy, and feel guilted into sending $25. So have I done that? No sir-ee! I pocket the labels and throw away the request/return envelope faster than you can say "Cheap Whore."
So, because I'm sort of, kind of, in a roundabout way stealing from charities (which HAS to be some sort of bad sin (as opposed to a good sin??)) am I going to hell?
I hope not. In the meantime, I suppose I could throw a few bucks at one of them.... perhaps the one with the best design (and that means you're out, you organization-that-clearly-has-99-year-old-ladies-designing-your-ugly-crazy-animal-and-flower-address-labels. I mean, hello, who wants that shit?)
Pray for my soul. Hallelujah. Amen.
Am I going to hell?
I mean, I know I'm totally nice to animals, old people, and children (well, sometimes, at least), and I try to be a *good* person overall, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be doomed to eternal damnation.
You see, I am the quite frequent recipient of mail from charities of various sorts. (I must have donated a dollar to someone sometime, because now they're all after my money!) It seems like every other day I'm getting something from some children's/cancer/AIDS/homeless organization asking me to donate money. And I get it. It's how they do their thing. BUT.....that's not all. Nope. Tucked happily inside those little envelopes is a PRESENT! That's right, a nice set of PERSONALIZED ADDRESS LABELS.... just for me! WOOHOO! Some have a handful of little labels; others have about 100! It's like Christmas!
Of course, the idea behind the "free" labels is that I'll get the labels, be happy, and feel guilted into sending $25. So have I done that? No sir-ee! I pocket the labels and throw away the request/return envelope faster than you can say "Cheap Whore."
So, because I'm sort of, kind of, in a roundabout way stealing from charities (which HAS to be some sort of bad sin (as opposed to a good sin??)) am I going to hell?
I hope not. In the meantime, I suppose I could throw a few bucks at one of them.... perhaps the one with the best design (and that means you're out, you organization-that-clearly-has-99-year-old-ladies-designing-your-ugly-crazy-animal-and-flower-address-labels. I mean, hello, who wants that shit?)
Pray for my soul. Hallelujah. Amen.
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